"We can do this the easy way or the hard way!"

I usually don't talk to my co-workers (horses) but this was different. He is different. His name is Moseley, named after a Redskins football player. ( I can explain that another time) He doesn't reach my waist, but has more personality and attitude than most full size horses. After having that really little guy yank this really substantial (I'll let you decide what that means) farrier back and forth in the cross ties three or four times, I looked down and made eye contact (very aggressive in horse body language) and shouted, "we can do this the easy way or the hard way, it's your choice!"

His feet were long, I'll admit it. It wasn't that I was putting off trimming him, he just hadn't risen to the top of the list. But this was the day, and he was as ready as I was. After we finally negotiated a truce (you usually have to negotiate with mules and mini's) we settled into a reasonable struggle which resulted in a successful trimming. He is still walking, and so am I; just a little slow straightening up. :) Once the struggling part is over and I start to work on "auto pilot" is usually when the insights hit. So...................I started to think about resistance and cooperation and the reasons we make things hard for ourselves and the people around us. Here are a couple of thoughts relative to that:

1) This was only my second time trimming this little guy. I am not responsible for the reasons he was resistant, that fault lies elsewhere. Knowing this makes me more patient and willing to compromise. In our lives we face the same thing with those around us. When we can come to this realization, we can be more patient and willing to compromise in all that we do.

2) Part of the negotiation with Moseley was me taking a time out. I went to the truck, had a drink (of water :)) and took a deep breath or two. I don't think that this is hard to apply to our relationships. The hard part is exercising the discipline to stop and do it instead of running headlong into a train wreck.

3) I may have succeeded with Moseley yesterday, but I don't always walk away satisfied. Sometimes in our relationships the best thing to do is cry uncle and walk away. What keeps us pursuing an impossible situation is our pride. We can do better than letting pride ruin our day and our work.

One thing I know is that the next time Moseley and I meet (in a professional setting :)) I will approach him with greater confidence and an expectation of an even better outcome. Wouldn't it be great if we could do this with all the people in our lives.

Remember that not only am I the blacksmith, but you are the blacksmith too. The force for creation and change in your own life.

"You only have to work 1/2 days!"

In 1995 when I made the decision to leave my management job and become a blacksmith/farrier, I remember talking to my mom and dad. We lived on the other side of the country from them (which was a constant source of irritation for my mom) and I suspect that they felt a bit anxious about this decision. I told them kind of nonchalantly that I was going to learn to shoe horses and open my own business..............shock, then chocked back tears from my mother. She quickly dismissed herself and told me to talk to my father. I said, "dad, I thought this would be hard, but tears?" Dad went on to explain that they didn't know anyone who shoed horses for a living, "oh, with one exception," he said. "There was a man that lived in a clapboard shack in the back of your grandfather's Phillips 66 station in Victor, ID named whiskey Bill." He said, "the good people in the south end of the Teton valley could take their horse to Bill and for any portion of a fifth of whiskey he would shoe their horse." I guess if tears was all I got, I got of easy.
My dad went on to say how marvelous it was to be self employed. (he had been self employed for my entire childhood) He said that it had many advantages over employment one of which was only having to work 1/2 days. I laughed and said, "really only 1/2 days?" He answered, "you bet, and the best part is, you can chose which 12 hours it is!"

Not too long ago I received a phone call from a young man who said that he wanted to shoe horses for a living. He asked if he could come work for me to learn how. I wasn't looking for an apprentice and I had a funny feeling about it so I started to ask questions. He informed me that he hated his job, hated his boss, hated the people he worked with, and so it went. He said he loved horses, so he was just certain that if he could shoe horses for a living, all would be right with the world. I was sorry to do it but I just had to. I took a deep breath and said something like this. "You know I think your problem is not with the kind of work you do, I think your problem is with work itself. You go solve your problem with work, and you might find that you don't need to be a farrier to be happy,"

These two experiences really serve to illustrate what an important role work plays in our lives. With rare exception, it is necessary to work really hard to either make ends meet, or just to keep a good thing going. For us to have a comfortable and peaceful home life, we need to work at it very hard. To keep the bills paid we need to work very hard. To keep our loved ones safe we need to work very hard. To raise responsible children of integrity we have to work very hard.


I love this quote from Sam Ewing:

Hard work spotlights the
character of people: some
turn up their sleeves, some
turn up their noses, and
some don't turn up at all.

We are what we think

I smoke 2 packs a day!

OK, I don't smoke 2 packs a day in reality, but I do in my mind; it might even be more! The power of the mind in incredible and such a consistent force for good an ill in each of our lives.

In the summer of 1995 I had a 5 month old son and two little girls at home, was out of work, and getting more broke by the day. I was apprenticing to be a farrier/blacksmith. Needless to say it was an emotional time in my life, and because of those heightened emotions, many experiences I had during that time made quite an impression on me. 

My days went like this. I would get up early and buy just enough gas to get to Anvil Mountain, the workshop of my master, Brian Koch. He had his shop in an old GMC step van that we affectionately called "Bertha." After spending 30 minutes cleaning up Bertha from who knows what he was doing the night before, and feeding the horses and mucking the stalls, Brian would then join me in Bertha for our lesson for the day. Let me take one step back. He agreed to take me on as an apprentice and teach me to shoe horses, but he made it clear that I could not touch one of his clients horses if I couldn't make a horseshoe from scratch. Well my cocky 31 year old self thought (without any experience mind you) that would be no big trick. To make a long story short, after a month and a half, I didn't feel like I was any closer to making an acceptable horseshoe than I was when I started. So what I said about getting more broke all the time, together with my apparent inability to make a horseshoe, made for quite a lot of stress and emotional turmoil. Back to Bertha. I forgot to mention that before Brian would grace me with his presence, I would also have to have a very hot fire burning in the forge as well. (this was a challenge since it was an old coal forge with a blower motor with a short in it, geeze! :))

                                                    Here's the way Bertha looks today!

Once I had everything ready, Brian would hold the cold steel bar stock with the tongs and place it strategically in the fire. Then, he would pull his pack of Pall Malls (yes that's right the real kind in the red pack, NO filter!) out of his shirt pocket and fish one out between his thumb and forefinger. He would then grasp the cigarette with the tongs, light it in the forge, and take three long luxurious drags. Then, he would ask me if I thought the steel was ready, and I would say "yes." He would then gently place the half burned cigarette on the side of the forge and proceed with the day's lesson. This happened every day for two months and once I started going with him to shoe real horses, it became clear that he had a system just as routine for smoking while he was shoeing.

Yesterday morning it was cold. I unpacked my truck, cleaned it up a bit, visited with the horses and the grooms, lit my forge and placed a cold keg shoe in the fire, and then just like I have done every day  for the last 17 years, I fished out a cigarette, lit it in the fire, and took three long luxurious drags, in my mind. And I should point out that unless I am really paying attention, I don't even notice that it's happening.

Fortunately for me I was raised in a culture and family in which smoking was not an option for me. So I really haven't had to worry about dealing with a smoking habit developing from the alternate life being lived inside of my head. It does however, make me think about the other things that are rumbling around in my mind just under the surface which ARE manifesting themselves in real actions, while I go on unaware of what is happening and why it is happening. Could it be that my need for a diet Pepsi has it's roots inside of my mind and is an artifact of an emotionally charged experience or two? How about my defensive nature that puts me at odds with anyone willing to help me with constructive criticism rather than me being willing to really hear their words and understanding their feelings? I don't think that there is any possibility that this could NOT be the case. So, the question then becomes, "how can we get control of those thoughts and feelings that are playing such a big role in how our lives are lived? Here are three suggestions that we might want to consider:

1) Practice noticing our thoughts without judgement and criticism - we might call it meditation or pondering. Whatever we do call it, we can stop and pay attention to the flow of our thoughts. This practice will make us more aware of the constant parade of thoughts marching through our minds all the time.
2) Learn to be slow to respond to feelings. This is something that we can practice and become very good at. We just need to decide to pause and think about the outcomes of the actions that follow our responses to the feelings that occur from outside or inside stimulus.
3) Begin a regular practice to place thoughts in our minds that counteract the negative things we have noticed as a result of increased mindfulness. Remember that this pro-active thought replacement can be turbo charged if we create an atmosphere of heightened emotions (obviously positive emotions like love and joy will have an effect to support good thoughts) in our minds.

I love this thought made popular by Steven R. Covey.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space; what happens in that space will largely determine the outcome of our lives."

Noticing our thoughts, owning them and their reason for being, and being pro-active rather than reactive in our response to them is clearly a path that leads to happiness and peace.

Remember that not only am I the blacksmith, but you are the blacksmith as well. The force for creation and change in your own life.